A Special Kind of Love
by Dark-English-Rose
Summary: Martha and Jack return to the TARDIS early one evening to find something...weird going on... this contains CRACK, and the pairing is...unorthodox. You have been warned.


Well hi thar.

I can't believe it's been so long since I wrote a fic! I have another huge cracky thing in the works, again for another new fandom (Kingdom Hearts to be specific), but this is a little offering dedicated to my dearest friend Polo, because I offered her fic for Christmas (because her present is still waiting to be sent), and she asked for crack.

She got it.

WARNINGS: crack and unorthodox pairings.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own the Doctor, Jack, the TARDIS or Martha. Damnit.

Cross-posted to several LJ communities and my personal fandom journal, lucifermuse.

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There were…noises coming from inside the TARDIS. Jack, being…well, Jack, recognised those sorts of noises.

He recognised the voice as well (though, before now he'd yet to hear that voice making those noises, which was a shame, and made him worry about his dashing good looks and undeniable charms™).

What he didn't recognise… or, more accurately, what he didn't _understand_ was… well, why that voice was making those noises.

He exchanged a look with Martha – by the curious expression on the girl's face, she hadn't quite worked out what those noises were… and to be fair, were he not him, he might have wondered.

"Wait here a sec…" he told her, edging towards the TARDIS and easing the door open, peering inside.

Martha watched, bemused, as Jack slowly closed the TARDIS door again and on the ground, laughing hysterically.

"What, what is it?" she asked, stepping towards the blue box with a curious expression.

"Don't…." - gasp, wheeze, giggle - "Don't go in there…"

"Why not?" she challenged, glancing back to the TARDIS. The noises were still going on, and the only reason she hadn't quite figured out what they were was probably because her brain had decided to protect her from the sheer horror of it.

"Just… trust me…" Jack told her, trying to control his laughter. He found it funny, sure, but it'd probably destroy Martha's brain.

Martha gave him a Look that either meant 'not in a million years' or 'I think I can handle whatever's going on in there', either way it was quite full of withering scorn, and Jack suddenly felt – rather petulantly – that she deserved what she got, so he waved his hand towards the TARDIS door in a 'fine, be my guest' sort of motion.

Martha 'hmphed' slightly, satisfied, and pushed the door of the TARDIS open.

There was a strangled squeak as she backed out, pulling the wooden door with such force that it slammed shut, and Jack was surprised it didn't break.

"Told you." He taunted the shocked girl with a smug smirk.

The smirk faltered a little when he realised Martha appeared to be nearing a catatonic state.

"Wow," he whistled. "It really did break her brain."

It was then that he realised the noises had stopped, clearly Martha had….interrupted… and moments later a dishevelled head appeared round the door of the TARDIS. 

"Oh, Martha, Jack, didn't expect you back so soon!" He said briskly, clearly attempting to 'play it cool'.

Jack just snorted, shaking his head at the Doctor with his best I-know-what-you've-been-doing smirk™ and pushed past the other man to get inside.

Martha stayed where she'd stumbled after leaving the TARDIS, staring into space with a horrified expression.

"….Martha… you coming?" the Doctor asked. She jumped a mile.

"Coming?" she squeaked. "What? Me? No, huh…oh, you mean…" she scurried past the Doctor as well and into the TARDIS, immediately disappearing into one of its many rooms.

The Doctor closed the door, turning to face all the demons of hell… he wished. It was just a plain old smirking Jack.

"So…you saw that then?" he hazarded, receiving confirmation only in Jack's widening grin.

"It wasn't what it looked like?" he tried, Jack let out a bark of laughter and the Doctor looked sullen in reply "'Snot like you can talk." He muttered petulantly.

Jack flashed him a grin, nodding slightly. Hell, it was true.

"What can I say?" He asked, "You sure do love this TARDIS." There was a _definite_ smirk on his face and a slight inflection in the word 'love' that made the Doctor turn pink and busy himself with the controls.

Martha eventually recovered, and from that day on, she learnt to knock whenever she returned to the TARDIS early. Apart from that one memorable time when Jack had stayed behind too, but we won't go into that.

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So…there you go. Enjoy the crack XD


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